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DES MOINES, IA – Staring in awe as the final patient was discharged home, local emergency physician Dave Stanfield’s eyes reportedly welled up at the sight of a completely-empty waiting room. “There’s…there’s nobody.  Nobody at all,” a shocked Stanfield stuttered as his eyes scanned the empty chairs for any intoxicated patients who may be hidden from view.  “In all my years… not one abdominal pain, overdose, or sore throat.  Not one.”


“You guys, you gotta see this,” the middle-aged physician giddily proclaimed as he jogged through the ED gathering up colleagues to see vast emptiness of the waiting room.  “Can you believe how quiet it is?”

Witnesses report several members of the ED staff had tears silently streaming down their face as they examined the tiled floor devoid of vomit, urine, or feces.  “It’s just beautiful,” whispered a nurse.  As the staff filed back inside, Stanfield reportedly received a page about an outbreak of food poisoning at a local nursing home.


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