King of Hearts

Success! Kings Conjoined at Waist Finally Separated, Doing Well

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King of Hearts kings
The conjoined twin Kings of Hearts just before surgery

LAS VEGAS, NV – It took 22 hours of surgery but Gomerblog is thrilled to report that the twin Kings of Hearts, who were born joined at the waist and have continued to live that way for decades, have finally and successfully been separated.

“It was an exhausting surgery, but we are pleased to report that both Kings of Hearts are doing well and recovering in the SICU (surgical intensive care unit),” reported Deck of Cards Medical Center (DCMC) general surgeon Dr. Brian Blackjack, who bet on himself to succeed and won.  “This is a huge day for face cards everywhere.”

According to Blackjack, the toughest part of the operation was evacuation of the massive fecalith in the twin Kings of Hearts’ large intestine before they were able to complete the separation surgery.  “For 50 years, neither has had a bowel movement since their intestines were conjoined,” Blackjack explained.  “That’s right, no rectum.”

The twin Kings of Hearts are the first of the face cards to undergo this separation surgery.  Both the twin Queens and twin Jacks of Hearts were nervously watching as were the twin Kings, Queens, and Jacks of the other suits.  When Blackjack and his assistant Dr. Patricia Poker-Chips delivered the good news to the Hearts, Spades, Clubs, and Diamonds families in the waiting room, there was nothing but relief and joy.

“I’m so excited, I mean, look at me, I’m flushed!” said the Queen of Spades, huddled in an embrace with fellow family members Ace, King, Jack, and 10.  “I’m like royally flushed!”

Blackjack and team has requested that this particular deck of cards, now 53 in number, be allowed to rest for the next 24-48 hours before starting with physical and occupational therapy and undergoing ostomy care with nurses.

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