BURLINGTON, IA – A nurse at nearby Mercy Hospital was stunned to find out that her patient’s foley catheter obstruction had been caused by a small family of Squirtles. “At first I was shocked,” admitted Nurse Patty. “I just stood there with a Foley catheter in one hand and a litter of smiling tortoises in the other. Then I realized I hadn’t caught a single Squirtle yet, much less five of them, so I whipped out my Pokéballs and got to work.”
The water-loving Pokémon seemed perfectly content nestled within the warm confines of the patient’s bladder. Experts still are not sure how the Squirtles crawled through the urethral tubing. When asked to help explain the presence of the Pokémon, the urologist refused to see the patient, asking to only be called if a Bulbasaur or Charmander was found in the patient’s ureters.
The patient was relieved when the blockage was discovered. “Things were getting pretty uncomfortable down there,” stated Nathan Jessup, a 43-year-old plumber admitted with pyelonephritis. “Then Nurse Patty flushed out my catheter and I’ll be damned if a bunch of tiny cartoon turtles didn’t fly out the end of the tube!”
This isn’t the first time Pokémon have been found causing problems inside patient’s bodies. Last week a general surgeon found an Onix jammed into a patient’s common bile duct. Just days ago, an interventional cardiologist performed an emergency cardiac bypass after a Snorlax was found sitting in a patient’s right coronary artery.
Unfortunately, the disease-causing Pokémon epidemic is unlikely to disappear anytime soon. New reports are surfacing about a local infestation of head Weedles at multiple area day care centers.
Pokémon has been appearing everywhere: