Vaccinations Now Definitively Linked to Pregnancy

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BOSTON, MA – A new study just published in the Old England Journal of Medicine now definitively links childhood vaccinations to pregnancy. Jenny McCarthy, the paper’s sole author, stated after reviewing the data that not only do vaccines conclusively cause autism, but they are also closely linked to pregnancy.

pregnancyMcCarthy, the world’s leading amateur vaccinologist, came to her conclusion after a long, nationwide prospective cohort study. She found that a large proportion of vaccinated children eventually become pregnant later in life, something which could not be said for the unvaccinated cohort. She is calling pregnancy “a late-term side-effect.” She noted the unvaccinated cohort had a much lower rate of conception which was statistically significant.

“This data doesn’t surprise me one bit,” she said in a TMZ interview. “This is just Big Pharma trying to sell more product. The more children you have, the more vaccines they can sell. It’s criminal, what they’re doing.” She went on to call vaccines a pyramid scheme, then encouraged people to take a more holistic approach to health, like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop.

An independent analysis of the data lead to the discovery of one caveat: many of the unvaccinated cohort were unable to be followed to reproductive age.​ No word yet on whether OB/GYN will start offering MMR instead of Clomid (clomiphene) to patients trying to conceive.

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    After successfully completing Emergency Medicine residency, the continued addition of CMS Core Measures, Press Ganey Surveys, and the Weaponization of Order-Sets finally caused Dr. Honeybun to burn out. Soon after, he lost his house, his wife left, and his cat Ms. Gypsy died. Completely broken and with nowhere to go, Champ now resides in the dark recesses of the hospital, teaching frequent fliers how to fly under the radar. He can be found subsisting off of vending machine fare (mainly Honey Buns), the only food he can afford due to crushing student loan debt.

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