new england journal of medicine

Tips: How to Read the New England Journal of Medicine

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STEP 1: Grab copy of New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) from mailbox.

new england journal of medicine
Issue from 2012 that you just found today while cleaning

STEP 2: Pretend to read through the cover contents, enough to cause a migraine.

STEP 3: In command of your self doubt, conclude how little you know about medicine.

STEP 4: Like a fine wine that gets better with age, store Journal issue in a cool area of your apartment, condo, or house and let rest for no less than 12 months.

STEP 5: Do other things with your life.

STEP 6: Years later, accidentally come across copy of NEJM and say aloud, “Oh yeah!”

STEP 7: Skim through contents taking care not to read anything.

STEP 8: Look at an image, but no more than two.  (Remember to pace yourself!)

STEP 9: Set aside five minutes to decide which article you think would best put you to sleep.

STEP 10: Fall asleep.

STEP 11: Congratulations, you’ve completed reading your issue of the New England Journal of Medicine!  Toss out the issue, go back to Step 1, and repeat these steps with the new issue.  Aren’t you glad you subscribe?

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  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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