dialysis machine ATM machine

Med Student Mistakes Dialysis Machine for ATM Machine

  • 529

NASHVILLE, TN – As much as they wanted to help out third-year medical student Erin Sperling, the staff of the dialysis unit at Vanderbilt University Medical Center just didn’t have the heart to tell her she was trying to take money out one of their dialysis machines.

dialysis machine ATM machine
“So where do I swipe my card?”

“I want to tell her that isn’t an ATM machine, it’s a dialysis machine, but it would break my heart to see the look on her face,” said unit secretary Greg Peterson.  “Gosh, she looks so helpless.  Those medical students always do.”  Peterson told us that this was the third time this week a medical student tried to withdraw money from one of the unit’s dialysis machines.

For the record, none of the students have succeeded.

According to several dialysis nurses, Sperling walked up to an unoccupied dialysis machine, trying to figure out where to insert her debit card.  She kept saying, “Why can’t I see the slot?” as she walked around the whole dialysis machine, peaking into every nook and cranny.  “Maybe it only reads chip cards,” she was overheard saying.

Nephrologist Tim Finley, who arrived midway through the scene, almost interjected when attempts by Sperling to swipe her ATM card nearly dislodged both the dialysate and heparin pumps.

“Hmmm,” Sperling said, baffled that this ATM was being so finicky.  “Maybe this isn’t an ATM after all.”  The staff looked on in anticipation, hoping the student would figure it out.  “Maybe it’s a vending machine,” she said.  The staff groaned as she put her card back in her purse and took out a few single dollar bills instead.

The dialysis unit staff will desperately try to contain themselves as they now watch Sperling attempt to get Cheetos out of this thing.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

doctor updating

Neurology Avoids Disaster Admission, Admits to Medicine

5.5KSharesHAMPTON, CA – Kaiser Health Hospital had a close call this Wednesday.  Thanks to the ...

Nurse Pages On-Call Masseuse for Stat Massage

256SharesATLANTA, GA – “I’m going to do it and you’re not going to stop ...


Hospital Struggles with Unknown X-Ray Format

1.8KSharesHELENA, MT – Hospital workers were baffled when one Rebecca Atherton, 28, arrived from her primary ...


Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction

5.4KSharesOAK BROOK, IL – Beloved clown mascot Ronald McDonald has suffered another heart attack ...