coffee poop
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POOPOO, HI – The link between morning coffee consumption and bowel movements has been well known throughout history.  Even medieval Starbucks had chamber pots for customers with more robust reactions than average to their charred brew.

coffee poopWhat hasn’t been known until recently is the “why” of this fascinating association that so many adults depend on for colonic motility.  Fortunately, a recent study published in Gastroenterology has shed some light on the phenomenon.

In a study out of the Fecal Foundation of America, researchers identified caffeine receptors in the stomach and the esophagus.  These caffeine receptors are much more sensitive to the exact formulation of caffeine found in coffee beans.

These esophageal caffeine receptors release a newly discovered hormone, Poopen.  Poopen receptors have been identified in the distal colon and rectum.  Activation of the Poopen receptors results in rapid coordinated contraction of the colon resulting in a nearly automatic evacuation.

The entire process from oral intake of coffee to esophageal caffeine receptor stimulation to Poopen release usually takes minutes, however, the process has been known to take significantly less time than this.

Starbucks has reached out to the researchers in an attempt to ensure that their coffee stimulates maximum Poopen in order to fully satisfy their customers’ needs.

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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