BROOKLYN, NY – Emergency room physicians at Maimonides Medical Center did not waste any time consulting ophthalmology to restore the vision of Mr. Potato Head after he presented earlier today with a chief complaint of “my eyes falling out of my head.”
“Mr. Potato Head did the right thing seeking medical attention right away,” said Maimonides on-call ophthalmologist Dr. George Lemer, who described a particularly gruesome scene at bedside. “He was in hospital bed 4, covered in his own body parts. Mrs. Potato Head was in tears, obviously shaken, but never left his side. It wasn’t bloody, but it wasn’t pretty either.”
Similar to retinal detachment in human beings, ocular detachment can rapidly lead to blindness if not promptly treated in tubers like Mr. Potato Head. Thankfully, Lemer is one of the world’s most capable ophthalmologists, having specialized in spud eyes for the last three decades.
This is not Mr. Potato Head’s first hospitalization for organ detachment. He has been a frequent flyer ever since his birth on May 1, 1952, needing medical care for recurrent eye detachment as well as recurrent ear, nose, and mouth detachment. Due to his peculiar anatomy, Mr. Potato Head is extremely high risk for organ loss any time he bends over, bumps into something, laughs, or is pat on the back too hard. He was even seen by Palliative Care during his last hospitalization in September 2017 but told them he was not yet ready for hospice at that time.
Today’s episode was the result of a very violent sneeze. “I could feel it coming on,” Mr. Potato Head explained after his wife, Mrs. Potato Head, reattached his mouth. “I tried to remove my nose before it was too late, but I didn’t act quick enough. My entire face fell off. It was quite the sneeze. In fact, we still can’t find my hat!”