THIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM – Hours after the world learned of the United States’ intention to withdraw from the 2016 Paris Agreement, Mother Earth has suddenly found herself eligible for hospice. With her permission, Palliative Care has made our lovely and most beautiful planet DNR/DNI.
“I’ve lived a long and wonderful life,” expressed the gracious planet whose holes in its ozone layer are often mistaken for arcus senilis. Her run of 4.5 billion straight years of being Full Code will finally end. “I’m at peace. It’s okay. I’m ready.”
Mother Earth was about to say something else but had to pause when she started coughing uncontrollably. Gomerblog thinks she muttered “Sorry, smog,” but have not yet been able to confirm.
One long, final family meeting was held between Earth and 195 countries of the world to try to convince her to hang on and continue fighting. Unfortunately, much to the sorrow of Mother Earth, one major figure was not present in the room: the United States of America.