WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) in conjunction with the U.S. Department of the Treasury have reported that they have increased a full-strength aspirin to 331 mg after adjusting for an inflation rate of 1.73% over the past 12 months.
“It is important for physicians, pharmacists, all health care professionals to realize that we not only have to dose-adjust our medications for liver and renal impairment, but also the current inflation rate,” explained Steven Mnuchin, the current United States Secretary of the Treasury, at a press conference earlier this morning. “If you recommend 325 mg, understand that this is an underdose.”
Along those same lines, the FDA has increased a baby aspirin to 82 mg.
In an effort not to waste the nation’s current supply of 81-mg and 325-mg bottles of aspirin, Bayer Pharmaceuticals and other companies have ramped up production of special bottles of aspirin containing 1-mg and 5-mg tablets. For those on an 81-mg aspirin, they simply need to take another 1 mg daily to make sure they are adequately dosed for inflation. For those on an 325-mg aspirin, they simply need to take a 5-mg tablet and a 1-mg tablet to reach 331 mg.
Theoretically, patients on 325-mg aspirin could take six 1-mg tablets of aspirin though the universal consensus is “Why the hell would you do that?”
Bayer Pharmaceuticals wants to allay the fears of consumers that they will be cautious not to flood the market with too much acetylsalicylic acid for fears of devaluing the medication like they did with the Aspirin Bubble of 1989.
“Boy, was that a disaster,” recalled cardiologist David Buckle. “You needed 1,000,000 mg just to prevent stroke and heart attack but there was GI bleeding everywhere, it was such a mess!”