heavenly sacral decub

BIRMINGHAM, AL – UAB University Hospital’s wound care nurse Carrie Pennington was taken aback earlier today when initial evaluation of a stage 4 sacral decubitus wound led to an intriguing and even pleasant observation: that despite how horrible it looked, it actually smelled quite heavenly.

heavenly sacral decub
Your wound is intoxicating

“When I got the initial whiff of that sacral decub while taking down the dressing, I thought, do I smell fresh-cut grass?” Pennington described, her eyes aglow with the whiffs of that wound still obviously on her mind.  “Then as I probed into bone, I got a little hint of lavender, maybe even some cinnamon… It was quite unexpected.”

Normally more quick and efficient, Pennington admits she took her time working on this wound, as she found herself intoxicated by its magnetic scents.  “I could’ve sworn I detected a little pine, a little jasmine,” she continued, “I mean I’m not going to lie: I could sat there forever inhaling the beautiful bouquets of that butt.”

Pennington was amazed such a terrible wound could smell so radiant, especially since she could probe to bone and more often than not express pus as it was clearly very, very infected.

“I’m sad because surgical debridement and IV antibiotics are likely to be more key here, so that means I have to share the secret of these superb aromas with my surgical and infectious diseases colleagues,” Pennington moaned, a tear in her eye.  “I really wanted this infected nastiness to be mine and mine only.”

She is briefly entertaining bottling some of the purulent discharge so that she could use it as a perfume for date nights.

“If it smells good, it smells good, I don’t care where it comes from,” Pennington retorted as we looked upon her with eyes aghast.  “Look, we all love hot dogs but we don’t need to know what’s in them.  It’s the same exact principle.”  She added moments later: “Hey, at least I resisted the urge to taste the damn thing.”


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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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