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Game On: Fitbit Raises Target to 10 Trillion Steps Per Day

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In what they’re calling an inevitable but necessary update for our country, Fitbit, the maker of health and fitness activity trackers, now recommends that its users up their daily goal of 10,000 steps per day to 10 trillion steps per day.

fitbit 10 trillion steps“America, this obesity thing is getting out of control, so I believe it’s game on,” encouraged Fitbit co-founder and CEO James Park, who is up to 9,459,823,225 steps today, a slight decrease from the 14,399,655,321 steps he took yesterday.  “All I’m asking is that we add on 6 zeros to our daily step count and obesity will be a thing of the past.”

Fitbit has undoubtedly been thrilled with Americans’ embrace of their wearable health technology, and it’s that optimism giving Fitbit the confidence that Americans will easily step up to the challenge.  It couldn’t have come at a better time too with recent data suggesting 60% of current 2-year olds in American will be obese by age 35.

Fitbit helped popularize the daily goal of 10,000 steps, citing that 1 mile consists of roughly 2,000 steps, amounting to 5 miles a day.  Assuming that the steps are accumulated as a result of moderate activity, this should meet the Center for Disease Control & Prevention recommendation of at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week.  Fitbit, however, wants to do more.

“And if half of those 10 trillion steps per day are climbing up stairs, that’s a real added bonus,” added Park, who wonders if both Achilles tendons have just ruptured.  Fitbit diehards have other reason to celebrate: Fitbit’s updated challenge will soon come with a new generation of updated gear and software, including a highly-anticipated CPK tracker to monitor daily rhabdomyolysis.

Park added that older patients, those recovering from injury, and those new to Fitbit may want to start off gingerly, targeting only 1 trillion steps daily.

“I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my legs!” exclaimed Fitbit enthusiastic Theodore Cotton, eager to take Fitbit’s challenge to heart.  “Mind over matter, baby, only 5.4 trillion steps to go!!!  By the way, is tea-colored urine normal?”

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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