COLUMBUS, OH – A revelation concerning the function of the da Vinci robot console recently came to light when a circulating nurse discovered its true purpose. The da Vinci robot itself, with its ability to dramatically lessen the invasiveness of surgery to and create extremely precise manipulations of tissue, has been deemed one of the most innovative surgical tools of the 21st century. However, it may be even more impressive than we initially gave it credit for.
A central Ohio hospital is reeling after a recent discovery that some of their general surgeons are not actually doing surgery at all while they are at the console; they are playing video games.
This information came to light last month during a routine lap chole. After the initial commencement of the lap chole surgery and insufflation of the abdomen, Dr. Robert Kinsey took his place at the console and started what they all assumed was the actual excision of the gallbladder.
Midway through the surgery, circulating nurse Pia Matter peeked over Kinsey’s shoulder at the console and was shocked to see him fully engaged in an apparent game of virtual Donkey Kong. He then went on to Super Mario Brothers 3 and finished by clearing a screen of Mrs. Pac-Man. He did this all while pretending to operate via the console.
This begs the question, who was running the robot? Was it running itself? Since this initial incident, a spokesman from the medical device company Intuitive Surgical, actually admitted that the da Vinci robot was in fact designed to be autonomous and the console was just an upgraded version of an 80s arcade game that they marketed to surgeons because surgeons did not like the original idea of them actually doing the surgery from the corner of the room.
Kinsey commented to reporters that “this da Vinci console is a damn impressive piece of work. My Donkey Kong game has improved exponentially, and I can play in peace and quiet while everyone thinks I’m fully engaged in an operation. And the robot itself is pretty cool too. It can take out a gallbladder or maybe a uterus. I’m not really sure. I don’t pay much attention.”