Everyone has been captivated and relieved with the unbelievable rescue of a Thai soccer team through the heroic efforts of the Thai Navy SEAL team and volunteers.  The Gomerblog team scoured the medical news outlets and here are a sample of some headlines we’ve come across:

Administrators Overseeing Thai Cave Rescue Running Dangerously Low on Kudos

Anesthesia Rescue Diver Gives Thai Cave Mallampati Score of IV

Aussie Anesthesiologist Diver Provides Thai Soccer Team with Life-Saving Sudoku Puzzles

Breaking: Thai Diver Team Charts Progress Notes Every 30 Minutes of Rescue

Surgery Takes Credit for Rescue, Blames Anesthesia for Them Entering

Cave Rescue Cancelled Since Cave Not Made NPO After Midnight

Nurse Places Massive NG Tube to Treat Cave Ileus

Cave Undergoes Massive Diuresis After Age-Based Lasix Dosing

Urology Diver Places Foley in Cave to Successfully Drain Teens, Coach to Safety

Thai Navy SEAL Team Turfs Soccer Team to Hospital Medicine

Orthopod Causes Massive Cave Collapse Trying to Reach Soccer Team with Bigger Mallet

Unhappy with Current Place, Social Work Places Thai Soccer Team into Different Cave

Thai Soccer Team Discovers Love of Dark Spaces and Monotony, Goes Into Radiology

GI Flushes Soccer Team Out of Cave with Heavy Dose of GoVIOLENTLY

Cave Continues to Expel Water and Bats Hours After Team Expelled

Thai Soccer Team Now Knows What Gerbil Trapped in Colon Feels Like

Medical Student Manually Disimpacts Cave to Rescue Thai Soccer Team

Self-Driving Tesla Ambulance Runs Over Thai Soccer Team After Rescue

Rescue Supplies Delivered to Trapped Soccer Team Just Included Vitamin D Tablets

Dermatology Diver Still Insists Thai Soccer Team Put on Sunscreen in Caves

ER Unable to Reach On-Call Caveologist

Pediatric Diver Team Successfully Deploys Teddy Bears, Weight-Based Tylenol Along Rescue Route

Neurosurgical Diver to Remove Top of Cave, Place in Abdomen, Perform Cavoplasty at Later Time

Neurology Consult Recommends MRI, EEG, LP to Localize Kids

ENT Recommends Neti Pot to Flush Out Thai Soccer Team

With Cave Fully Dilated to 10 Centimeters, OB/GYN Team Gives Green Light for Rescue

Admin Asks Thai Soccer Team to Fill Out Patient Satisfaction Surveys

GI Unable to Visualize Soccer Team After Poor Cave Prep

Palliative Care Divers Determine Goals of Cave

Infectious Diseases Divers Totally Nerding Out, Brainstorming Cave-Related Infections

CEO Displeased with Soccer Team’s Length of Stay in Cave

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.