runner's high

Person Going for Run in 95-Degree Weather Clearly Doesn’t Have Decision-Making Capacity

  • 2.5K

ATHENS, GA – Clearly not considering dire consequences like severe hydration, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion, runner Michael Rabdo has shown he does not have decision-making capacity by embarking on a 2 PM run when it is 95 degrees out without a single cloud in the sky.

runner's high decision-making capacity
I think my hypothalamus has evaporated

Such a beautiful day for a run,” Rabdo was heard saying, obviously crippled by heat-induced delirium.  He has chosen a running path completely devoid of any shade.

Furthermore, area weather forecasts 97% humidity, high grass pollen counts, and an unhealthy air quality index (AQI) of 171.  Health care professionals have attempted orienting Rabdo by reminding him of these lethal environmental cues, however, his ongoing behavior may warrant the use of chemical and even physical restraints.

“There’s nothing like working up a huge sweat, I love it,” Rabdo jollily commented, his sodium, CPK, and troponins rapidly skyrocketing past the upper limits of normal unbeknownst to him.  “I’m sure glad I brought my jacket, I want to make sure I properly warm up before I hit my full stride.”  Moments later, he added: “I’m thinking 13.1 miles today and maybe celebrating with a beer or two after.”

Amanda, who is Rabdo’s wife and power of attorney, says her husband is a DNR/DNI.

In approximately one hour, Rabdo will be survived by a wife, two kids, and 10 liters of sweat.

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