ROSEMONT, IL – Continuing its campaign against arch nemesis, the Sun, the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) has issued a new recommendation stating not only Americans but all citizens of Earth to immerse themselves in an arctic winter indefinitely to minimize exposure to sunlight.
“Would you call someone who causes premature skin aging, sunburn, and skin cancer your friend?” asked AAD President Henry Lim. “No, I didn’t think so. Buy your ticket to northern Iceland and let’s live happily ever after.”
Considered one of the most important rivalries in healthcare, the battle between the Sun and Dermatology has been going strong for millennia. Despite the numerous deleterious byproducts of too much sun exposure, the Sun has always had a great trump card: vitamin D and warmth.
Over the past few years, however, the Sun has acquired several new enemies. Radiologists have always considered the Sun a foe, but decided to harden their stance after radiologist Jack Lambert tragically died last year, disintegrating into a puddle of ooze upon immediate exposure to the Sun. Ophthalmologists joined the fray after the August 21, 2017 solar eclipse obliterated every eyeball in America.
“During peak winter, parts of northern Iceland might see only 4 or 5 hours of daylight, which is absolutely amazing,” explained Lim. “It doesn’t quite meet the ideal of 0 hours of daylight but it’s as good as we can do. We must throw ourselves into the glorious darkness of an arctic winter 365 days year to literally save our skin.”
The AAD wants to remind the public that moving to the arctic is indeed “a win for skin,” but it doesn’t mean we still shouldn’t take some skin precautions.
“The aurora borealis might be a silent skin killer,” an AAD recommendation reads, “so it is only prudent to wear sunglasses and aurorascreen with an APF [aurora protection factor] of at least 50.”