• 4.7K

MONTREAL, QUEBEC – McGill University anesthesiologist, 42-year-old Eric Drouin, admits that he is absolutely spent after adjusting the table height this morning per the surgeon’s request, and plans to take the rest of the week off to ensure a full recovery.

anesthesiologist table height
“I need to lie down for a week or so”

“At approximately 7:35 AM, Dr. Drouin was asked by general surgeon Marty Gallagher to raise the table by approximately one inch,” explained a spokesperson for Drouin, who was too exhausted to conduct this interview.  “After pressing the button and adjusting the table, Dr. Drouin noted lightheadedness, extreme muscle aches and fatigue, and utter exhaustion.”  

Drouin, the experienced anesthesiologist that he is, took no chances and contacted one of his colleagues to step in and take over the case.  It’s a good thing he did: Drouin’s CPK level was 900 times the upper limit of normal, consistent with table change-induced rhabdomyolysis (TCIR).  Thankfully, he is not suffering from any acute kidney injury.

“You know it’s serious when Anesthesia doesn’t have the will to finish the Sudoku, let alone manage a patient,” explained Dr. Antoinette Niemi, the anesthesiologist who bravely took over for Drouin.  Niemi is well-rested after a 4-day lunch break.  “Adjusting the table height is serious business.  Nearly two-thirds of our Anesthesia training is in that alone.”

Drouin will take the rest of today and the week off in order to fully recuperate.  

“Actually, do you mind raising the table another half inch?” Gallagher asked Niemi. 

Fear could be seen in the eyes of Dr. Niemi.  Niemi took two large breaths to calm herself down.  “Give me five minutes to stretch and hydrate, and I’ll take care of it,” Niemi replied.  “You can do this,” she told herself.

Niemi looks forward to taking the rest of this winter off.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.