SOMEWHERE IN THE HOSPITAL BASEMENT WHERE THERE IS NOTHING BUT TOTAL DARKNESS AND BATS – Radiologist Christopher Jett-Black impressed his peers today by telling them his recently-checked 25-hydroxyvitamin D was less than zero. It was -400 ng/ml to be exact.
“If we as radiologists are performing our occupations correctly, then we should have vitamin D deficiency, there is no doubt about that,” said Dr. William T. Thorwarth, CEO for the American College of Radiology. “But to see that we are capable of achieving vitamin D levels in the negative numbers, well, that’s just a remarkable feat. It’s like we’re actively getting rid of vitamin D.”
A 25-hydroxyvitamin D level between 30 to 50 ng/ml range is considered adequate for healthy people. Levels between 20 and 30 ng/ml is consistent with mild vitamin D deficiency, levels between 10 and 20 ng/ml is consistent with moderate vitamin D deficiency, while levels less than < 10 ng/ml is consistent with vitamin D deficiency. Jett-Black is the first documented radiologist and human being with a 25-hydroxyvitamin D level less than 0. In other words, Jett-Black has uber-mega-severe vitamin D deficiency.
It is well-known that radiologists fear sunlight. This was illustrated years ago when Birmingham, Alabama radiologist Jack Lambert died upon immediate exposure to it. That is the main reason why radiologists can be found deep within the Earth’s surface, away from the sun. Unfortunately, this defensive mechanism has led to skyrocketing numbers of radiologists suffering from osteomalacia and broken bones.
With a 25-hydroxyvitamin D level of -400 ng/ml, Jett-Black’s colleagues fear that if exposed to sunlight he might immediately combust just like Lambert.
Jett-Black’s medical team hopes to learn from the case of Jack Lambert and keep Jett-Black in sunlight isolation. They plan on slowly repleting his vitamin D levels in order to avoid the vitamin D bolus that likely claimed Lambert’s life.
“Am I nervous? Not really, I’ve got a great team taking care of me,” said Jett-Black. “What really makes me nervous? Shoddy WiFi.”