radiology basement 25-hydroxyvitamin D level

Impressive: Radiologist’s 25-Hydroxyvitamin D Level is -400 ng/ml

  • 985

SOMEWHERE IN THE HOSPITAL BASEMENT WHERE THERE IS NOTHING BUT TOTAL DARKNESS AND BATS – Radiologist Christopher Jett-Black impressed his peers today by telling them his recently-checked 25-hydroxyvitamin D was less than zero. It was -400 ng/ml to be exact.

radiology basement 25-hydroxyvitamin D level
“AHHHH, close the door!!!!”

“If we as radiologists are performing our occupations correctly, then we should have vitamin D deficiency, there is no doubt about that,” said Dr. William T. Thorwarth, CEO for the American College of Radiology.  “But to see that we are capable of achieving vitamin D levels in the negative numbers, well, that’s just a remarkable feat.  It’s like we’re actively getting rid of vitamin D.”

A 25-hydroxyvitamin D level between 30 to 50 ng/ml range is considered adequate for healthy people.  Levels between 20 and 30 ng/ml is consistent with mild vitamin D deficiency, levels between 10 and 20 ng/ml is consistent with moderate vitamin D deficiency, while levels less than < 10 ng/ml is consistent with vitamin D deficiency.  Jett-Black is the first documented radiologist and human being with a 25-hydroxyvitamin D level less than 0.  In other words, Jett-Black has uber-mega-severe vitamin D deficiency.

It is well-known that radiologists fear sunlight.  This was illustrated years ago when Birmingham, Alabama radiologist Jack Lambert died upon immediate exposure to it.  That is the main reason why radiologists can be found deep within the Earth’s surface, away from the sun.  Unfortunately, this defensive mechanism has led to skyrocketing numbers of radiologists suffering from osteomalacia and broken bones.

With a 25-hydroxyvitamin D level of -400 ng/ml, Jett-Black’s colleagues fear that if exposed to sunlight he might immediately combust just like Lambert.

Jett-Black’s medical team hopes to learn from the case of Jack Lambert and keep Jett-Black in sunlight isolation.  They plan on slowly repleting his vitamin D levels in order to avoid the vitamin D bolus that likely claimed Lambert’s life.

“Am I nervous?  Not really, I’ve got a great team taking care of me,” said Jett-Black.  “What really makes me nervous?  Shoddy WiFi.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like


Outpatient Surgery Center Hires DJs Instead of OR Nurses

2.6KSharesIBIZA, SPAIN – The party is just getting started at Ibiza Surgical Specialists, a ...

fellow on rounds

Fellow Takes 5 Minutes on Rounds to Explain How His Residency Was Better Than Yours

702SharesPALO ALTO, CA – Several witnesses at Lucile Packard Children’s reported that yesterday Nikil Kandelwal, ...

What Kind of Signout Do You Give to Your Incoming Colleagues?

496Shares Navigating the different styles of checkout can be tough. We’ve got you covered ...

Smug Anesthesiologist blames everybody

Anesthesia Goes on the Offensive & Blames Everybody Else

5.5KSharesSCHAUMBURG, IL – Throwing away the old blueprint of simply accepting the blame, Anesthesia ...