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ATLANTA, GA – In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year’s influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year’s, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported that an Atlanta area patient’s flu swab has tested positive for C. diff.

influenza C. diff
Tissues filled with C. diff

“One of the main reasons last year’s flu season was so problematic was the effect of superimposed pneumonia alongside the flu,” said CDC Director Robert R. Redfield, who is often referred to as Triple R at the CDC.  “Having a rapid influenza diagnostic test come back positive for flu is bad enough.  But for it to come back positive for C. diff, that can’t be good.  That’s just a whole new ballgame.”

Typically, Clostridium difficile or C. diff is a bacterium that can cause gastrointestinal illness, with symptoms ranging from mild (abdominal cramps & diarrhea) to severe requiring hospitalization (abdominal cramps, diarrhea, fever & bloody stool).  Unfortunately, it has become increasingly frequent and difficult to treat.  So this news of the first-ever case of pulmonary C. diff to herald the start of the 2018-2019 flu season should both scare and humble everyone.

“If you develop fevers, chills, shortness of breath, and cough productive of malodorous or bloody diarrhea, please seek medical attention immediately,” Triple R issued in a statement to the American public today.  “Let me be frank: flu plus C. diff is pretty messed up, so seriously, do not hesitate to seek care before it’s too late.”

RRR told our Gomerblog team moments later, “Toxic megalungs is the worst.”

Again, the CDC wants remind Americans that it is never too late to get your influenza vaccine administered rectally.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.