Johnson & Johnson asbestos baby powder

Johnson & Johnson Doubles Down With 100% Asbestos Baby Powder

  • 801
Johnson & Johnson asbestos baby powder
Make sure your baby has skin as smooth as cancer

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Despite stocks plummeting 11% after a Reuters report claimed the company knew asbestos has been in its baby powder for decades, Johnson & Johnson has doubled down by flooding stores & markets with their brand-new line of baby powder products containing 100% asbestos.

“There is so much asbestos now, it’s ridiculous, you’ll love it!” said Johnson & Johnson CEL Alex Gorsky.

According to sources, Gorsky insists the plunge of its stocks is related to Brexit and escalated tensions between China and the United States, not because of the presence of asbestos in its products or the fact asbestos is linked to several diseases including cancer.

“A little asbestos is good for you and your babies,” Gorsky explained, before being incapacitated by a five-minute paroxysmal coughing spell productive of blood.  “And our asbestos baby powder is delicious as well.  Definitely have a spoonful.  Way better than apple sauce.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Local Man Cures Diabetes After He Refuses His Insulin

589SharesSEATTLE, WA – After years of obesity, a high calorie diet and limited exercise ...