LONDON, ENGLAND – Santa Claus is in critical condition this morning after his Christmas sleigh collided with a drone over Gatwick airport last night.
Witnesses say Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer spotted the drone but didn’t have enough time to avoid it completely. The drone glossed off of Rudolph’s red nose before careening into the side of Santa’s sleigh, causing it to crash land short of the runway at Gatwick airport.
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen were briefly observed at an area hospital but quickly released. Rudolph’s red nose had superimposed erythema, but he was released too. Unbelievably, Santa did not sustain any broken bones, a Christmas miracle, thanks to his belly like a bowlful of jelly that cushioned the blow.
According to local law enforcement officials, Paul Gait & Elaine Kirk are suspected to be behind this Christmas travesty. These are the same two people suspected of causing the cancellation of at least 1,000 flights, affecting hundreds of thousands of travelers. Rumors are that both Mr. Gait & Mrs. Kirk will end up on Santa’s Naughty List in 2019.
“HO HO HO…rrible people, those two,” Santa said of the two suspects.
Santa is expected to fully recover. He wants to reassure children and parents around the world not to worry, Christmas will not be ruined and gifts will be delivered on time thanks to his second-in-command: Amazon Prime.