Forget Sheep: Orthopod Counts Bones to Fall Asleep Each Night

  • 233
Too many to count

MUSCLE SHOALS, AL – Calling the domesticated ruminant animal too soft and fluffy for her liking, area orthopedic surgeon Dr. Tracey Hammerhead prefers counting bones to sheep to help her fall asleep each and every night.

“Counting sheep may work for Medicine and Anesthesia, but not us, besides, wool makes me itchy compared to calcium,” said Hammerhead, who appears well-rested this morning.  She has counted bones every night since day one as an intern.  “Oh, I slept really well last night.  I remember counting up to 6 long bones and then I’m pretty sure I passed out right after that.  F**k sheep.”

Hammerhead isn’t sure if it’s the picture of bones flashing across her mind’s eye that soothes her each and every night, or if counting to numbers as high as 9 and 10 forces her brain to simply shut down.  Either way it works.

In the rare moments counting bones fails her, Hammerhead has other methods too.  “If I absolutely need to, I count hammers or I count nails.  Works like a charm.”

Hammerhead has another tip for Gomerblog fans on how she achieves her high-quality beauty rest: “Use a PVC pipe instead of a pillow at night,” she insisted.  “That sh*t’s comfortable.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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