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incentive spirometer

Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you’re in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don’t be intimidated, it’s really easy (awesome) so let’s get started (stoned)!

STEP 01: Sit upright (or not).

STEP 02: Hold the incentive spirometer (joint) in an upright position.

STEP 03: Thank your nurse (weedman) for the incentive spirometer (weed).

STEP 04: Queue Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd (or Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin).

STEP 05: Seal your lips tightly around the mouthpiece (joint or bong).

STEP 06: Breath in slowly and as deeply as possible.

STEP 07: Watch the piston (strobe light) rise up (turn on and off).

STEP 08: Hold your breath as long as possible.

STEP 09: Exhale slowly.

STEP 10: Rest for a few seconds before repeating 10 times an hour.

STEP 11: After every 10 breaths, cough.  This will happen whether you like it or not.

STEP 12: Address the munchies.

STEP 13: Stop acting paranoid, it’ll be fine.

STEP 14: Seriously, calm down, no one is after you.

STEP 15: That’s just your nurse, she’s not a cop, okay?!  CALM DOWN!!

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.