SEAL Team Six

SEAL Team Six Assigned New Mission to Combat Burnout

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VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – In a sign health care has truly reached crisis proportions, Gomerblog reports that SEAL Team Six has officially been tasked with their toughest assignment in its 39-year history: combating burnout.

“We face our greatest enemy yet, but make no mistake it will be defeated,” said U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams, who sees this mission as a form of medical counter-terrorism. “The weapons and technology they have at their disposal will be utilized to its fullest capacity if that’s what’s required to reduce prior authorization requirements.”

Though burnout has been recognized over the past several years, a recent white paper entitled A Crisis in Health Care: A Call to Action on Physician Burnout has bought more media attention to the issue over the past several months. The federal government and its Joint Special Operations Command have listened and they have responded.

“Our elite snipers will take down those EHR alerts faster than a blink of the eye,” commented one former Navy SEAL Jackson Miller. “To be honest, I’d consider coming out of retirement if they’ll let me toss some wellness grenades.”

Up until this point, a multifaceted approach to addressing burnout has seen only minimal impact at best. These include attempts to reduce physical documentation requirements, streamline electronic health records, reduce prior authorizations, address wellness, and provide counseling and support to those in school pursuing a career in health care.

Clearly, a new approach was needed.

SEAL Team Six may use any of a variety of training tactics to combat burnout, including hand-to-hand combat, land warfare, advanced unarmed combat maneuvers, and Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape (SERE) training.

“SERE will be critical should our SEALs find themselves ambushed by hospital administrators and have to blindly navigate through a barrage of paperwork,” Miller explained, who states SEALs will have to mentally prepare for all the paper cuts they will likely suffer. “It will be a battle, it will be a struggle, but SEAL Team Six looks forward to the challenge.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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