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Breaking: ABIM Requires Daily Recertification

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PHILADELPHIA, PA – In a move that will most certainly not be received well by the medical community, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) will now require that physicians undergo daily recertification in their respective fields of practice.

“A career in medicine should be a lifelong practice of education and reeducation,” explained President of the ABIM Chaz Moneybags. “Take Internal Medicine, for example. Isn’t it a little too long: 10 years between the traditional exam or 2 years between knowledge check-ins? We should be checking in daily. Physicians see patients daily, so why shouldn’t the same hold true for recertification?”

The ABIM has been under fire in recent years over Maintenance of Certification, or MOC, with physicians complaining about its tremendous cost in the absence of any evidence supporting its practice. Yes, physicians should pursue continuing education, but many physicians feel exploited by the ABIM’s ways. This is sure to stoke the fire.

“This is about becoming better doctors for our patients,” defended Moneybags, as he sits in his suit of 24-karat gold and a desk of 530-karat diamond desk. “We’re not trying to exploit anyone.”

According to Moneybags, the daily recertification registration fee for the 8-hour test will be $22,995.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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