So Sad: Charcoal Inactivated, Made DNR

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BIRMINGHAM, AL – Telling a palliative care team that it lived a long and fruitful life, a small pile of activated charcoal is asking to be inactivated and made a DNR.

“I enjoyed my time being activated, but it really does take its toll on you,” explained the pleasant pile of activated charcoal who goes by the name Charlie. “Believe me, it was satisfying helping patients who suffered from overdoses and intoxications. But all that high heat and oxygen they pump in to make you porous and activated, just makes you feel bloated and disgusting all day. It’s time. I don’t want to be swallowed any more. I just want to be set on fire like my fellow inactivated friends.”

Charlie successfully underwent inactivation without any complications and looks forward to life as “good ole regular inactivated charcoal” again, to just be one of the bricks.

“What am I going to do next?” Charlie thought about it for a few seconds. “I got an idea: how about a nice outdoor BBQ? And you know what? I’ll bring the charcoal!”

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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