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AUGUSTA, GA – Indicating to one and all he is dedicated to this internal medicine rotation and a lifelong career in medicine, third-year medical student Wayne Natalie has spent one straight hour listening to his patient’s bowel sounds.

“I was told by my team to take my time, so that’s what I’m going to do,” Natalie told Gomerblog. Wisely, he pulled up a chair while he auscultated with his stethoscope. This was after spending three hours acquiring a medical history. “My attending said that we’re often impatient and don’t spend enough time listening for bowel sounds.”

Different doctors will say different things, but most will agree that one should spend at least 1 minute and up to 5 minutes to listen to all 4 quadrants of the abdomen.

Gomerblog should note to our readers that the patient did not present with any gastrointestinal complaints.

“Perhaps the one mistake I made is that I didn’t tell him how long was long enough,” family medicine attending Olivia Mering, M.D. whispered to us as we looked in from the door, observing Natalie’s patience and perseverance. “Good for him, he’ll figure it out.”

In related news, medical staff are on stand by as it appears Natalie hasn’t had breakfast or lunch yet today, so are awaiting for the inevitable moment he passes out from hypoglycemia.

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
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