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ER STATION – All aboard! Health care professionals, have your tickets and IDs in hand as you get ready to step aboard the Hot Mess Express! This is the Hot Mess Express #4139 at ER Station making 12 stops with final destination ICU City!

This express train makes the following stops: Altered Mental Station, Los Chest Pain, The Twin Cities of Hypoxemia & Hypercapnia, ATN Park, Shock Liver Land, Troponin Town, San Anemia, Can’t Peeville, Sepsis City, Intubation Station, Pressor City, and ICU City!

This express train DOES NOT make stops at Double Portions or Narcoticos.

Please watch your step as you board the Hot Mess Express! We apologize for all the tangled Foleys, telemetry wires, IV lines, central lines, rectal tubes, as well as the paperwork saying “Full Code.” Again, please watch your step!

This is a fast-moving express train – the Hot Mess Express doesn’t wait for anyone – so please find your seats quickly, buckle up, and hang on tight!

Do take a moment to read the safety pamphlet found in the seat pocket in front of you should this Hot Mess Express experience a train wreck.

Just a reminder that only the first four cars of this train platform at both Troponin Town and Shock Liver Land. Additionally, students and interns are allowed on this train but require 24/7 adult supervision. Finally, any members of Palliative Care can ride this express train for free, just show your conductor your ID badge!

Departing ER Station in 2 minutes, estimated arrival at ICU City in 3 minutes! ALL ABOARD!!

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.