divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God Postpones Miracle Due to Slightly High INR of 1.6

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HEAVEN ABOVE – God, Creator of the Universe, has decided to postpone His plans for a miracle today after morning labs revealed an elevated INR of 1.6, Gomerblog reports.

“He can eat,” God reluctantly told nursing staff as He canceled the NPO order. “We’ll recheck an INR the morning and if it’s still high we might have to give some vitamin K and FFP. Ideally I’d like to see that INR less than 1.3.”

God’s decision reflects a growing trend among health care professionals to delay a procedure unless the INR is even lower than the traditional cutoff of 1.5. Interventional radiology has been the most stalwart in this respect, demanding an INR of less than 0.

“Miracles are not without their slate of potential complications and that includes bleeding,” God explained as He washes His Almighty hands with Holy Foam. “How embarrassing would it be to perform this life-saving miracle only to have this person exsanguinate because his INR was a tad bit high? Even I won’t take that chance.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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