WASHINGTON, D.C. – Though Match Day celebrations have been canceled nationwide, that won’t stop fourth-year medical students from experiencing the shear joy of finding out where they will be constantly ruling-out novel respiratory coronavirus COVID-19 starting July 1st.

“As much as I would love my number one choice, I honestly would be happy at any of the COVID hotspots,” explained Georgetown University School of Medicine fourth-year student Amber Mering. “I got some great advice from my mentors. They said if I matched at the last coronavirus hotspot on my rank list, would I be happy working there? The answer is yes.”

Fourth-year medical student Sid Shah of David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA echoed that sentiment. “There are so many incredible outbreak cities and regions, it was so hard to create my rank order list. I’d be perfectly happy ruling out COVID-19 here in L.A., but it might also be cool to see what it’s like to be overwhelmed with patients at other programs say in New York City or Boston, anywhere really.”

Many physicians and surgeons agree the transition from medical student to intern is the toughest of all the transitions during one’s medical career, and that’s without an active pandemic plaguing the country and destroying everyone’s lives. But that won’t faze medical students. They can’t wait to be on the ground, ruling out every patient they’ll see from July 1st onward for COVID-19. More importantly, for the medical students who haven’t caught coronavirus, they are excited to know: Where am I going to catch it on my first day of residency?

“Oh boy oh boy oh boy,” Shah kept saying, obviously giddy, filled with anxiety and anticipation. “Wherever I’m going to be on July 1st, I can’t wait to get started. Been dreaming about this day my whole life. I look forward to getting my pager and being thrown into the contagious abyss without a mask. COVID-19 rule-outs until otherwise notified. Bring it on!”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.