• 689
    Shares

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) says the one touting the most promise is good ole sodium bicarbonate.

Or, as health care professionals affectionately call it, bicarb.

“It’s our ace in the hole, no doubt about it,” explained rapid response nurse Juliana Pimentel, who believes we need to pull out all of the stops against pandemic coronavirus. “Everyone knows that bicarb is 100% curative against anything: cardiac arrest, hemorrhoids, menopause, you name it. To not use it would be irresponsible.”

The FDA quickly went into action after they recalled the infamous 2017 bicarb-only algorithm for cardiopulmonary arrest implemented at New Orleans Medical Center.

A spokesperson for the FDA told Gomerblog, “It is still too early to tell, but unless proven otherwise, y’all know what to do: bicarb, bicarb, and more bicarb!”

  • 689
    Shares
Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.