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PASADENA, CA – In breaking news to Gomerblog, NASA has announced that Mars rover Curiosity has tested positive for coronavirus.

This is a shock to everyone since the World Health Organization had confidently announced just this past Friday that COVID-19 had been contained to planet Earth.

Curiosity started exhibiting fevers, sore throat, cough, and shortness of breath a few days ago. We figured it was probably allergies but when we dug deeper we found that there was no evidence of dust storm activity in the region,” explained Curiosity project scientist Gilbert James. “It seemed like a long shot, especially since we launched it several years before its emergence, but coronavirus wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.”

The Mars rover was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL on November 26, 2011 and landed on Mars on August 6, 2012, with its primary mission to determine if Mars is suitable for life. Well, one thing is for sure: it’s suitable for COVID-19.

Since its discovery in Wuhan, China in December 2019, the pandemic coronavirus has rapidly spread throughout the world, effectively bringing Earth to a standstill.

With help from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, Curiosity was swabbed and found to test positive for COVID-19. This is grave news. Now, not only can coronavirus be transmitted from human to human, it can now be transmitted from planet to planet. Curiosity has been placed in isolation on Gale Crater.

Aliens, who were in a high orbit around Earth after postponing their invasion, have fully retreated to their home galaxy.

James has a theory as to how the rover acquired coronavirus.

“The Curiosity has a 7-foot arm used to drill into the ground and collect samples for testing. We suspect it didn’t appropriately follow arm hygiene, washing it with soap & water for 20 seconds,” explained James. “Curiosity will have to lay low for a few weeks and stay away from other Mars rovers. The good news is it has a 10-year supply of pasta and toilet paper on board.”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.