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Not a pulmonary toilet.

NEW YORK, NY – When COVID-19 cases in Manhattan started ramping up, local orthopaedic surgeon Brock Hammersley knew he wanted to help however he could. 

So he went to the ICU at Elmhurst Hospital and offered to help in any way that he could.  An ICU nurse gave him an N95 mask, a gown and size XXL gloves. The nurse then asked Hammersley to help her with an intubated patient. 

I said “it’s time for pulmonary toilet” RN Patrick Marsh told Gomerblog. “Then Doc Hammersley took off running out of the room and said ‘I’ll get it!’ That was the last time I saw him for 5 hours.”

Hammersley apparently spent the following 5 hours searching for a “pulmonary toilet.” In every bathroom inside and around the ICU. 

“At least he took off his PPE and washed his hands as soon as he left the patient’s room before beginning his misguided walkabout” RN Marsh noted. 

“So apparently ‘pulmonary toilet’ is just a fancy way of saying pulmonary hygiene. I don’t remember learning that in any of my ortho coloring books and it definitely wasn’t covered in the GI Joe cartoon or books,” Hammersley admitted ashamedly. 

Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal