Patient Literally Sweats His Balls Off

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Patient Don Fernando arrived to Mercy Hospital’s ER with a chief complaint of “I’m sweating my balls off!”  Don was passed over for hours with many assuming he was just pulling a practical joke.  The triage nurse hoped the air-conditioned waiting room would ‘cure’ him.

After being triaged into the lowest priority in existence, he returned to the desk with his chief complaint actually panning out.  Holding his testicles in his hands with sweat pouring off of them, he then asked sarcastically, “I literally have sweated my balls off, not figuratively as you originally thought I was.  Now can I see a doctor?”

Don holding his sweaty testicles
Don holding his sweaty testicles

The front desk clerk nearly fainted, then quickly escorted Mr. Fernando to the acute care bed where Urology was consulted STAT.  A case of Gold Bond Powder was used to promptly stop the sweating.

After the sweating was controlled, he was rushed to the OR for a 2-hour procedure.  Dr. Janet Homes, the urologist, reported his testicles had been reattached successfully, but most likely he will be unable to have children.

When Dr. Homes was asked to comment about the case she said, “I have never seen a case like this in my career.  I hear the expression often, but I never knew it was possible.”

“It must be Mother Nature’s way of preventing testicles from overheating.  The question is, how did Mother Nature intend to put these back before surgery was developed?” asked Dr. Homes.

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