WASHINGTON, DC – Controversial new energy drink, 25-Hour Energy, is fast becoming a staple in doctor’s lounges and cafeterias. Available only to those with a valid medical license, 25-Hour Energy claims to increase energy and allow for 25 hours of uninterrupted focus and work.
Attending physicians and surgeons, who are expected to work many days straight unencumbered by work-hour restrictions imposed on residents, pilots, and meat packers, are the target market. Many extoll its virtues.
“It lets me book elective cases well into the night and the next day! and then I can work an overbooked clinic
! and then I can take in my kid’s basketball
game! and then I can make sweet, slow love
to my second wife! and then I can…” yammered Elton C. Chatterswatt, MD, general surgeon.
The Food and Drug Administration is looking into the product, because while it is a food, it might be a drug. Says FDA investigator, “We are looking into complaints that it causes grandiose stacking of sundry items, 25 hours of sleep, and time travel.”
Not everyone is pleased.
“I don’t like losing the call room. Now it’s a dark cubby with a greasy PC and posters of Joint Commission guidelines. Where am I going to play Words With Friends at night?” groused Dr. Millicent Chung, hospitalist.