PITTSBURGH, PA – In news that is making banner headlines in society pages nationwide and has left medical high society shocked and incredulous, Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy filed for divorce today in U.S. District Court.
Asked for comment, Dr. Tim Tippur, Chief Medical Officer at world-renowned Mons Hopkins Medical Center, said, “All of us here are completely shocked. I don’t think anyone saw this coming. I mean, we all know couples who haven’t made it, but this is different. PT and OT were the example we all looked to when our own marriages were on the rocks.”
These sentiments were echoed by Dr. Jeffrey Capadorno, Medical Director of the Intensive Care Unit at University of California Francisco Santo (UCFS) Medical Center in San Francisco. “I was speechless when I heard the news,” he said. “When I was in medical school PT and OT were so close I thought they were the same thing. I used to write orders for ‘peeteeohtee.’” I thought it was one word for crying out loud.”
Fighting back tears, Capadorno went on, “I just don’t know what to trust anymore. Is nothing sacred?”
Reached through her lawyer, OT said that she and PT missed having lives of their own. “Imagine what it would be like to become indistinguishable from your spouse. For years no one has ever written an order asking just for me. It’s always PT/OT, PT/OT.”
PT agreed, saying, “Even outside of work no one appreciates me as an individual. We go out to a bar and everyone’s like, ‘Hey, there’s PT/OT.’ They don’t even say ‘PT OT.’ The other day Speech Therapy bought a round of shots for everyone, but OT and I only got one between the two of us. It’s like even our friends think we’re the same person.”
Surgical interns across the country were in a state of panic. Reached by pager at 2 AM surgical intern Mike Gallant, near hysteria, asked, “What? How can you get divorced from yourself? What? They’re not the same thing? Does this mean I have to write two separate orders now, one for PT and one for OT? There’s no time! No time!”
The news sent tremors through medical marriages nationwide. Inside sources report that Stryker Inc. and the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons have made an appointment for couples therapy. And, in breaking news, Ob and Gyn are considering taking some time apart to think things through.