CDC Official: I Want You to Think Really Hard as You Personally Battle Ebola

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Hi.  I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news.  I was watching CNN.  They’re based in Atlanta too, haha!

“Tell me everyone you ran into at the airport”

In my business, that’s what we call an icebreaker.  Anyhooo.  I’m sorry you’re feeling ill but I do need to interrupt you here to ask you some very specific questions for the sake of public health.

I need you to think really hard and tell me about every person you saw at the three airports and two flights you were on recently.  Hang on, let me grab my notepad.  Okay, go ahead now.  Be as detailed as possible and list every person you encountered.

Excuse me?  I didn’t quite understand that.  Is it my Hazmat mask that’s making it difficult for me to understand?

Ohhh, I see.  It’s because you’re vomiting at the moment.  That’s okay.  Take your time  Just start with the first person you encountered and go in chronological order until the last person.  We at the CDC want to make sure we get this right.

Are you crying?  Oh, you’re just bleeding from your eyes  Still, concentrate.

Okay.  I notice you’re still vomiting.  That’s alright.  I’ll have a seat right over here until you can maybe compose yourself.  WHOOPS!  I just sat on a wet spot on this chair next to your bed.

Wait, am I supposed to be wearing gloves and a gown in this room with you?  Ahhh, I knew I should have made up some excuse to not come to work today.

Where’s the nearest nurse so I can blame him or her for this disaster?

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