DALLAS, TX – Local resident Sam Worthington is claiming to have contracted Ebola from his yearly flu shot. The irony is found in contracting a rare deadly disease, Ebola, while being vaccinated against the deadliest viruses on earth, the flu. Influenza has killed many more people this year than Ebola. “Did you know the CDC has the patent on Ebola?” he told reporters. “They are trying to control the population this year by placing Ebola in the flu vaccine. I read that online. I think it was WebMD, Dr. Oz, or Illuminati health. Why else would you get a flu shot? Those sneaky bastards!”
His symptoms range from mild feelings of fatigue to a cough he’s had for 8 weeks prior to receiving the flu shot. When the patient was taken to Google and shown what Ebola really looks like, he changed his tune.
“Oh, that’s not Ebola? Well, I think I’m coming down with adult onset autism then. Are these vaccines even safe? Where’s my lawyer?”