surgery

New England Urologists Being Investigated for Deflated Balls

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BOSTON, MA – According to sources close to GomerBlog, an American Urological Association (AUA) investigation has found that 11 out of 12 balls belonging to male patients on January 18, 2015 were inflated significantly below the AUA’s minimum requirement.  The New England urologists are currently under investigation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots.  “I’m not a urologist.  I’m here to focus on the Seahawks.”

According to an AUA spokesperson, 11 out of 12 male balls were inflated to 2 PSI below the minimum of 12.5 PSI as set by the AUA.  Many believe the New England urologists knowingly violated the AUA guidelines with deflated balls to gain an advantage over Indianapolis urologists in the management of urologic conditions on January 18, and should be punished.

“I hate to be blunt, but those urologists are acting like dicks!” commented one Baltimore physician, who absolutely abhors the New England urologists.

The New England urologists are no strangers to controversy.  Back in 2007, the New England urologists were caught videotaping a New York urology practice in a controversy now dubbed “Spygate” and as a result received a hefty $250,000 fine for a gross violation of HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996).

Third-year Indianapolis urologist Andy Luck is also outraged.  “Those guys were at a huge advantage with those balls being underinflated.  Have you tried operating on properly inflated scrotums in a cold and rainy surgical suite in Boston?  It’s incredibly difficult.  But scrotums with less air in them?  Way easier to manage.  You don’t even need gloves to handle them.”

At a press conference held earlier today, New England urology icon Thomas Brady denied any involvement in the incident, stating matter-of-factly that cold weather makes balls shrink.  However, he did note that he likes his balls deflated towards the minimum of 12.5 PSI.  “To me, that’s when I can perfectly grip balls,” said Brady.  “I could hurl one seventy yards down the PACU that way.”

The investigation will continue as the New England urologists meet with the Seattle urologists in Glendale, Arizona on February 1, 2015 for Supple Balls 49.

“It’s better than overinflating balls, in which case we’d have Blueballgate,” commented Seattle urologist Russell Wilcox, relieved that neither he nor his colleagues are involved with Deflategate.  He then went on to pose a funny question to reporters at the end of his presser today: “First this, then what?  Ejaculategate?”

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    העניאַ זאַנדהויז

    Chaya Wolf

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    Ann Cahalan Ward

    Kevin Ward

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    Norma Gavigan

    Seriously !!!

  • Avatar
    Shannon Hopkins
  • Avatar
    Tara Oliveri

    Michael Kister

  • Avatar
    Melia McFly

    Jake Lentner Nick Kramer

  • Avatar
    Smit Van Zyl

    Haha

  • Avatar
    Marita Kruger

    Smit Van Zyl

  • Avatar
    Amanda Smith

    LMAO!

  • Avatar
    Jon Nelson

    April Reed Amanda Smith Warren Mullin

  • Avatar
    Kleptodepressive, MD

    “Third-year Indianapolis urologist Andy Luck is also outraged.”

    You’d think they’d be used to operating on undersized balls at Stanford…

  • Avatar
    Whitney Halgrimson

    There goes my business model

  • Avatar
    Kendall Keck

    Dan McCabe William O. Humphrey Lauren Liaboe Allison Boardman

  • Avatar
    Becky Dash

    This is getting out of hand Bob Brewer and Will E. L. Kahn. Lol

  • Avatar
    Rishi, MD

    Well done, Gomer Blog!

  • Avatar
    Betty Farach

    This is hilarious!

  • Avatar
    Tamera Larsen

    Hilarious…

  • Avatar
    Stephen Norman

    Chris Kyle

  • Avatar
    Debra Schiel

    They say each urologist grips the ball differently, how could they not knoooww?!!!

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Dr I P Daily, up and coming urologic fellow, stated, ” the phallacy here is that there is any advantage to shrinkage. Clearly with under inflation these balls will not meet meaningful use criteria.”
    Dr Johnson Longfellow further stated,” these Boston hacks will have their comeuppance . Without evidence based medicine these paltry scrotal appendages will not have adequate turgor to occupy a patient center medical home”

  • Avatar
    Megann Peterson

    Well done, well done.

  • Avatar
    Rachana Haliyur

    Vanya Bilyeu

  • Avatar
    Bill Kaledas

    I would LOVE to sit with u guys when getting together to write something like this. What a pissin riot it would be with all the unwritten possibilities .
    Best spot on the web! Thank you!

  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Renzulli

    TOO FUNNY!!

  • Avatar
    Lisa Kuderik Samalis

    Omg so funny

  • Avatar
    Lisa Kuderik Samalis

    Omg so funny

  • Avatar
    Jeanna Simmons

    Miss you too!

  • Avatar
    Jeanna Simmons

    Miss you too!

  • Avatar
    Viet Barnes Do

    LMFAO

  • Avatar
    Viet Barnes Do

    LMFAO

  • Avatar
    Kim Martin

    Somehow I knew you would! Ohhh how you are missed! Truly…#MartinwithnoJeanna

  • Avatar
    Kim Martin

    Somehow I knew you would! Ohhh how you are missed! Truly…#MartinwithnoJeanna

  • Avatar
    Jeanna Simmons

    Bahahahaha love it!

  • Avatar
    Jeanna Simmons

    Bahahahaha love it!

  • Avatar
    Daniel Sturgeon

    Supple Balls 49…HAHA!!

  • Avatar
    Daniel Sturgeon

    Supple Balls 49…HAHA!!

  • Avatar
    Kim Martin

    Amy Cave Jeanna Simmons

  • Avatar
    Kim Martin

    Amy Cave Jeanna Simmons

  • Avatar
    Kelly Healy

    Jenny Alff

  • Avatar
    Kelly Healy

    Jenny Alff

  • Avatar
    Abby RN

    LOL Ellen

  • Avatar
    Teddy Guillen

    Patric Sierzega

  • Avatar
    Debbie Rowe

    LOLZ!

  • Avatar
    Shea Becker

    Matt Uhlman…

  • Avatar
    Mary W. Studious

    Great response Debbie. In my many years of RN experience I have dealt with over ball inflation rather than under inflation. With under inflation, the patient tends to be more humble and easier to treat. Bigger balls, or over inflation, leads to the syndrome of Hypergonadism whereby the patients thinks he can do anything he wants with those balls and needs psychological help as well.

  • Avatar
    Lyndal Deanne Wilson

    We were talking about under inflated ETT’s with a CRNA today and he said he wanted to avoid inflate gate

  • Avatar
    Michael Flamoe

    Matthew Thompson

  • Avatar
    Kate Asaff

    ” New England urology icon Thomas Brady”

  • Avatar
    Dmitry Bogomolsky

    Nicholas V. Stickel

  • Avatar
    Elise Peterson

    Ha!

  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Jane Welch

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Kate.

  • Avatar
    Shari Hendrickson

    Saw you at uchellos yesterday. I was going to say hi but got distracted. I see how doctors spend their lunch hour ;)

  • Avatar
    Gina Tufo

    Wendy McCartney Wallus

  • Avatar
    Ashish Patel

    Sean Bhalla Andre Matteliano

  • Avatar
    Debbie Rowe

    Just as important…over inflation of any balls could lead to Prostategate which we all know could “impede the flow” of urologic procedures to a trickle. A very uncomfortable position for both the owner and handler of the overinflated balls and those officiating the urologic surgical theater….and generally requires a referral to Dr. Flo Max

  • Avatar
    Ryan McCorkle

    Christopher Blewett

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    Samantha Lauren

    Andrew Walter

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