medical students

Straight-A Medical Student Eager to One Day Have Very Own Patients Who Completely Ignore Her Advice

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ST. LOUIS, MO – Expressing that there would be “no greater conceivable opportunity [for her] to help others,” top-of-her-class medical student and part-time brownnoser Isabelle Wessington says she eagerly anticipates a future career in which she, like the many successful physicians she looks up to, will have her very own patients who ignore nearly all health-related advice she gives them.

medical students
“I look forward to nobody following my advice”

“When it comes to recommending, let’s say, an obese patient with uncontrolled high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes to, I don’t know, take their medication regularly or exercise at least twice a week,” said the overachiever, “what really motivates me is the thought that, ‘Hey, one day, once I make it through school, that will be my medical advice being ignored.’”

Isabelle, who currently owes over $130,000 in student loans, went on to further explain that once she has completed the combined ~12 years of rigorous education and training required to be a licensed medical doctor, she will be proud to go to work futilely attempting to improve her patients’ heath and well-being.

“I think it will be extremely rewarding,” said the pale and seemingly malnourished second-year medical student, “to reflect on your day and realize that my medical expertise – the culmination of more than a decade of hard work and thousands of tuition dollars – was given the same level of attention by my patients as the Apple Terms and Conditions.”

At press time, Isabelle was found sobbing outside of the medical school library after receiving a reportedly less-than-perfect exam grade.  She wonders if this will impact the level of ignoring she will receive from her future patients once she is a board-certified physician.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Amy Grace Meredith

    And your reimbursement tied to “outcomes”…sigh….

  • Avatar
    John Spitler

    And then someday she’ll try listening to her patients and all that will start to change.

  • Avatar
    June Curry

    I still thank God for you and all those in your profession who start out with such goals.

  • Avatar
    Miriam Levitt Flisser

    Because they want to hear that garbage, and we speak the truth.

  • Avatar
    Andy Pandy

    Story of my life.

  • Avatar
    Peter Kreishman

    Perfectly timed for my noncompliant patient today…

  • Avatar
    Claressa Joy

    Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe. And just because it’s safe doesn’t mean it’s effective.

  • Avatar
    Nancy Gottheimer Bradburn

    “Well because y’know it’s all natural, it can’t hurt me.” Like arsenic, right?

  • Avatar
    David Andrew
  • Avatar
    Erin Kiehna

    They would rather listen to Facebook

  • Avatar
    Bethanie Thompson

    Jeff VanWingen show this to your student

  • Avatar
    Emma Costello

    How come they listen to the naturopaths though?!

  • Avatar
    Drew Oliveira

    The only docs patients listen to are the ones who either flunked out or never did a residency or well aren’t actually docs.

  • Avatar
    Patrick Grizzly Campbell

    No money either, but I don’t care….

  • Avatar
    Patrick Grizzly Campbell

    Retired from clinical and surgical practice. Working as a fly fishing guide. Strangely…no stress :-D

  • Avatar
    Rich Greczanik

    Nice Muskie!

  • Avatar
    Elissa Thompson

    That says it all

  • Avatar
    Kathie Sale Macchioni

    at least she has already met her goal.

  • Avatar
    Ana Negron

    Living the dream!

  • Avatar
    Patrick Grizzly Campbell

    My #1 uttered phrase (under my breath of course), “No one ever listens to me….”

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