walking

Census Data Project Power-Chair Riders Will Outnumber Pedestrians by 2040

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WASHINGTON, DC – The Census Bureau released a mountain of data last week, and among the most interesting trends is the astronomical increase in Americans riding motorized chairs instead of walking.

walking
“I’m getting tired of this walking… maybe I’ll look into a power chair”

Wheelchairs, initially invented for those who cannot walk due to paralysis or injury, have become incredibly advanced over the years.  Now, an American can purchase a wheelchair with a battery-operated motor, a Bluetooth connection, a cooler for snacks, and a toilet.  Whether the technological advances are spurring the increased use of the vehicles is an area of debate.

Ron Jackson, press liaison for the Census Bureau, provided some insight yesterday at a press conference.  “Comparing this power-chair boom with other trends shows very interesting correlations.  Power chair use has increased with America’s average age, obesity rates, and percentage of the population on chronic narcotics.  We are all familiar with seeing the elderly and morbidly-obese riding power chairs, but the last 5 years has also shown a 250% increase in able-bodied Americans with normal BMIs who find walking too tedious and difficult.”

A couple of downward trends were observed as the number of Americans riding motorized wheelchairs rose sharply.  “We found that aggregate shame level and self-respect index have dropped sharply as the number of able-bodied Americans riding power chairs rose.”

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    Colin Wilson

    Bill Minek Jazzies for everyone!

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    Shannon Hopkins

    Really it is like the movie “Wall-E”, where obese non-ambulatory people drinking slurpees are all in these futuristic versions of power-chairs. I love that Pixar got away with that little bit of social commentary…

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    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Um, I thought this was a satire site?

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    Jessica Miller

    I can see this happening!

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    Tamara Jones

    I overheard a conversation between a woman in her power chair and who I assume was her husband. He was concerned about how he was going to get to the disability office the next day, she told him “you can take my chair.” Really?

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