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medical consult

This is a continuation from our first post: What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 1.  Let’s go!


Translation: Like it or not, Im recommending a multivitamin.


Translation: Not another pelvic exam for today?!  Sheesh!

Occupational Therapy

Translation: You know PT and OT are different, right?


Translation: Please learn to spell ophthalmology;it has two Hs.

Orthopedic Surgery

Translation: (1) I dont have a case or clinic today or (2) Get some imaging next time, damn it!  Chances are it’s the first translation.  Orthopedic surgeons never use real words in their note, let alone full sentences.  If real words are used instead of terms like WBAT, that orthopod probably isn’t busy.


Translation: People really need to stop picking their noses.

Palliative Care

Translation: Shouldve consulted us six months ago.

Pastoral Care

Translation: I’ll do what I can to summon divine intervention.


Translation: Inadequate sample.


Translation: You know this kids parents are crazy, right?


Translation: How on earth are you allowed to write prescriptions for patients?

Physical Therapy

Translation: Why did you consult us?  This persons been bedbound for a decade!

Plastic Surgery

Translation: Yeah, we won’t be able to fix this one.

Psychology and Psychiatry

Translation: If you think this guys crazy, boy, do I have some stories for you.


Translation: This could be interesting, but lets treat with steroids anyway.


Translation: Bet you didnt expect these incidental findings.


Translation: Hate to disappoint you, but this is just osteoarthritis.

Social Services

Translation: Trainwreck.

Speech Therapy

Translation: This patient won’t pass the modified barium swallow!


Translation: Genitals haunt me in my sleep.

Vascular Surgery

Translation: Wow, I didn’t know an aorta could do that!

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.