BOSTON, MA – As many doctors and nurses have discovered the hard way, a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine elucidated the seemingly perfect linear relationship with Dilaudid administration and Press Ganey score until the point of respiratory depression obligating Narcan. Per patient report, after this point, the patient’s high is completely ruined (as are the chances that the MD or nurse get a reasonable Press Ganey score from these particular patients).
Specific feedback was requested in survey form and the following responses touch on the most common themes:
“I mean, I was fine; that a**hole doctor totally crushed my high.”
“Seriously, I was fiiiinnneeeee.”
“I’m not even mad. That was some good stuff, and now I’m sober enough to drive to Grandma’s house to get some food.”
Thus, emergency physicians and nurses hoping to fund their next trip to Hawaii by boosting their Press Ganey scores should be aware that they are playing with fire. A single dose of Narcan is all that is required to completely kill a patient’s perfectly good buzz and that Hawaii trip.
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