dilaudid graph

Study: Dilaudid Administration Directly Correlates with High Patient Satisfaction; Narcan Not So Much

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BOSTON, MA – As many doctors and nurses have discovered the hard way, a recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine elucidated the seemingly perfect linear relationship with Dilaudid administration and Press Ganey score until the point of respiratory depression obligating Narcan.  Per patient report, after this point, the patient’s high is completely ruined (as are the chances that the MD or nurse get a reasonable Press Ganey score from these particular patients).

dilaudid graph

Specific feedback was requested in survey form and the following responses touch on the most common themes:

“I mean, I was fine; that a**hole doctor totally crushed my high.”

“Seriously, I was fiiiinnneeeee.”

“I’m not even mad.  That was some good stuff, and now I’m sober enough to drive to Grandma’s house to get some food.”

Thus, emergency physicians and nurses hoping to fund their next trip to Hawaii by boosting their Press Ganey scores should be aware that they are playing with fire.  A single dose of Narcan is all that is required to completely kill a patient’s perfectly good buzz and that Hawaii trip.

Be sure to check out other great articles from this author’s page at The Pannus.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Lisa Stephens

    I’ve given more Dilaudid in the past 3 years on a Med/Surg unit than all of my 17 years prior working in various Cardiology units. Unbelievable!

  • Avatar
    Jillian David

    Yeah! Pt satisfaction inversely correlates with both appropriate treatment and chance of survival. I knew it!

  • Avatar
    Becky Hughey

    Sucks to be a narcan pusher,huh?

  • Avatar
    Suz N My

    GTFO. “Great care” turns into “that nurse is a bitch” as soon as we start weaning the IV narcs.

  • Avatar
    Frankie Crabtree

    Ever woke anyone up with Narcan I liked!

  • Avatar
    Laura Coleman Goodwin

    Lol so true!

  • Avatar
    Melea Kizziah

    Laura lmao!

  • Avatar
    Matt Rutledge

    About time some people

  • Avatar
    Amy Middlemas Osborne

    Bahahaha Nicole Manning

  • Avatar
    Greg Krowicki

    And send the study results to the joint commission while you’re at it.
    Lol joint commission, are they from Colorado?

  • Avatar
    Casey Worsham

    No Narcan! No Narcan!

  • Avatar
    Renee Stanfield-Kerner

    Greg Miller, all I can say is WOW!

  • Avatar
    Kat Moore

    This may be a satire site, but this is so true hah

  • Avatar
    Roger Cotton

    Bryan
    I do not understand the article but I have a dilaudid pump in me

  • Avatar
    Greg Miller

    I had a patient brought in who had stopped breathing from a heroin overdose. I gave him narcan he came to, looked around stared breathing and asked what happened. When I told him I gave him Narcan he told me he was allergic to Narcan. I asked him what happened when he had Narcan before and he actually to,d me “it took my high away” so I asked him if he stopped breathing again should I not give him Narcan and let him die and he said “YES, don’t you know what allergic means?”

  • Avatar
    Cindy Allen Gillespie

    lol!

  • Avatar
    Marne Tower

    OMG that is so true—also works with ritalin

  • Avatar
    Amber Banks

    Lmao

  • Avatar
    Shelby McKinley

    Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Golru Ghaffari-Greene

    Totally with you – not sure how much is satire!

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Another one truly difficult to recognize as satire…

  • Avatar
    Korry Harrier

    Dianna remember when we had that class and they told us to dilute 0.4 mg in 10 ml NaCl and push it over 5 minutes…..all the ed nurses in the class started laughing

  • Avatar
    Laura Rogan Young

    Well of course

  • Avatar
    Cassidyshea Robinson

    I finally got to use it. Resulted in explosive diarrhea… so thAt plus the angry addict made for quite the adventure. Guess I could have gotten diarrhea and projectile vomiting… so guess 2 out of 3 was a good deal!!!

  • Avatar
    Cassidyshea Robinson

    I finally got to use it. Resulted in explosive diarrhea… so thAt plus the angry addict made for quite the adventure. Guess I could have gotten diarrhea and projectile vomiting… so guess 2 out of 3 was a good deal!!!

  • Avatar
    Laura Tattershall

    Erin Steele…I knew it!

  • Avatar
    Jill Winters Addington

    Satire can be closer to the truth than the actual truth!

  • Avatar
    Jill Winters Addington

    Satire can be closer to the truth than the actual truth!

  • Avatar
    Cathy Olmsted

    ROTHFLMBO

  • Avatar
    Cathy Olmsted

    ROTHFLMBO

  • Avatar
    Cyndy Cunningham

    THIS is GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Cyndy Cunningham

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Cyndy Cunningham

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Kelly Krawtz

    Liz Palmer

  • Avatar
    Karen Townley

    good one

  • Avatar
    Karen Townley

    good one

  • Avatar
    Dianna Byron

    I took away many a buzz trip in the ER with the full 2mg! It’s great! Occasionally I miss it then I find my sanity again!

  • Avatar
    Dianna Byron

    I took away many a buzz trip in the ER with the full 2mg! It’s great! Occasionally I miss it then I find my sanity again!

  • Avatar
    Robert Hadden

    Yap!

  • Avatar
    Carole Miller Hallin

    “The Pannus”

  • Avatar
    Golru Ghaffari-Greene

    This is what i am saying. Really rethinking career options!

  • Avatar
    Nathaniel Gallagher

    Tyler Bullion

  • Avatar
    Brittany Nichol

    Vu Hu Dat I though u would appreciate this…

  • Avatar
    Gregg Fletcher

    This does seem to be the case. Too much truth in this satire.

  • Avatar
    Steven J Sheridan

    Duh, no shit

  • Avatar
    Kate Benedict

    Golru Ghaffari-Greene

  • Avatar
    Teresa N Donny McArdle

    this one looks real! ha

  • Avatar
    Marsh Warren

    Really??? Really ?? gee, i would have NEVER put those ideas together!!!! yes indeed….. people get really pissed when the CFD brings them in and we give a REAL jolt of Narcan…none of that .4 mg, but the whole 2 mg IV !!!!!!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Courtney Stine

    Are you sure this is satire?

  • Avatar
    Carmen Hatch

    Hahahaha…imagine that!

  • Avatar
    Bob Steele

    this country’s healthcare has become bass ackwards

  • Avatar
    Jacqui ‘Duehning’ Labott

    Lol!!!

  • Avatar
    Bob Levy

    Greg Kutcher Mike Wootten Rossi Bistodeau Cannon

  • Avatar
    Tope Adebara

    Yup

  • Avatar
    Layla Jones

    Shocking!

  • Avatar
    Chris Campbell Walker

    LOL!!

  • Avatar
    Candy Gehm Carter

    Give them a Dilaudid drip with a roller clamp and let the patient or their family titrate to their heart’s content!

  • Avatar
    Christopher Blewett

    Ryan McCorkle John H Blewett Paulgun Sulur Richard Linsky

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Spickler McGuire

    Rachel Carty Moehlmann

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