True Allergy Detector, Maling-o-Vision, Now Available for Google Glass‏

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MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – In response to an unprecedented epidemic of claimed non-narcotic pain medication allergies among patients with chronic pain conditions, Google has teamed up with local EDs to roll out a novel attachment to their Google Glass device.  This add-on stands to redefine the science of allergy detection.

The new device, named “Maling-o-vision,” is designed to objectively confirm the truthfulness of patients’ claimed medication allergies.  EDs in the Mountain View region have recently tested the prototype device on their chronic pain patients.  Early indications are that allergies to non-narcotic analgesics such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen have fallen by a whopping 99%!

Google_Glass_photo2The attachment, which hooks on to a standard Google Glass device, is a cartridge which can be pre-loaded with any of a number of possible allergens; however, the lion’s share of requests have been for the combined NSAID and acetaminophen cartridge.  When activated by pressing a button, the cartridge then shoots a virtually imperceptible 1 mm-wide dart at the patient containing a small reservoir of this allergen.  If the patient is truly allergic, the recipient’s skin will begin to react and a special dye contained within the projectile will turn the surrounding skin a deep red color which can be perceived only though wearing the Google Glasses.  If the patient is not allergic, the dart is designed to turn blue.

The amount of allergen is so small as not to cause an anaphylactic reaction, according to Google, and the dart is designed to fall out within a few minutes.  Patients may have a small amount of irritation at the site, but otherwise they have no idea that they have been “Maling-o-vised.”

Local opiate-seeking ED adventurers have been completely blindsided by after losing one of their primary tools to trick ED practitioners into providing them their coveted meds.  Local narcotic-loving citizen, Carl Derfdorn opined, “I’m allergic to a bunch o’meds, so when I gets my pains, I comes in askin’ fo’ the drug that starts with a D… I forgot which one but it’s the only one that works and I ain’t allergic to dat.”

“Before this device was developed, we had a 92% rate of ibuprofen and an 88% rate of acetaminophen allergies among our chronic pain patients,” commented local ED director, Richard Blandino.  “I’d like to take this moment to warn our local drug seekers that thanks to Maling-o-Vision, if you come to my ED, 99% of you will only get ibuprofen for your pain.  The candy shop is now closed!”

Studies using other available cartridges have likewise shown a similar decrease in allergies to normal saline, epinephrine, oxygen, and Benadryl.  Additionally, they have also been doing extensive research on a fibromyalgia detection device set to debut next year.

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  • Milli of Dilli

    After picking up the basics of medicine by watching TV shows, I moved to LA, forged a medical school diploma, and somehow found some success in the late 80’s as an event physician for major Hollywood events. However, it all came crashing down while working the 1990 Grammy awards. While “Girl You Know it’s True” was being played live, a stagehand went into cardiac arrest and I was called upon to help. Unfortunately, as I tried to lip-sync CPR instructions, the speaker on my cassette player stopped working and I was exposed for a fraud. After serving time in prison, I went to medical school and residency and I finished training to become an Emergency Medicine physician. Instead of using this training and knowledge for good, I decided to abuse it to become a professional drug seeker. Armed with advanced medical knowledge, my quest remains to go from ED to ED searching out the drug seeker’s Holy Grail: syringes filled with 1mg of hydromorphone, the so-called “Milli of Dilli.” While I am not drug seeking, I have decided to write medical satire posing as a typical First World emergency physician. My website, with my other satirical articles that did not make it into Gomerblog, can be found at http://www.firstworldem.com and my twitter handle is @firstworldem

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Vadim Korkhov

    I now get all my clinical pearls from Gomerblog.

  • Avatar
    Juan Ka

    Christian Assad

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    Christi Hobbs

    The chronic pain patients aren’t the problem. This should read “chronic drug seekers.” There’s a difference. This devise seems to work as well as just asking them what their reaction is when they voice a med allergy. If they say, “oh, um, well, you know. That thing happens when I take it” you know they’re fos.

  • Avatar
    Karen Townley

    Love it…especially the possibility of adding the fibromyalgia detection dart.

  • Avatar
    Zane Moore

    Wow- this says you aren’t allergic to ultram or Toradol but you ARE allergic to dilaudid

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