Many jobs, in particular ones involving working at the hospital, have a certain way of… how do you say… taking you there. One of the great (horrible) things about being a health care practitioner is personally experiencing the human spectrum of emotion every 45 minutes. Especially rage; patient-induced, work-related RAGE. Take a moment to scream at the top of your lungs: AAAAARRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Doesn’t that feel good?! Short of getting hammered, try these tips for good measure.
Cool down by sticking your head into a freezer for 10 minutes.
Ahhhhh!! Your head will be so cold you won’t even remember what was pissing you off! (BONUS: If there’s ice cream in that freezer, consume it STAT!)
Purge your rage: induce vomiting.
Ideally, your rage will remain non-bloody and non-bilious.
Scream loudly, either (1) from the rooftop or (2) into a package of contact precaution gowns.
Shout loudly and incoherently into the heavens until you can’t breathe. If you don’t have the luxury of going outside, go to the nearest supply area, find a package of contact precaution gowns and scream loudly into them, letting their soft and soothing material muffle your rage.
Click that mouse and hit that Space/Enter bar with a vengeance.
Work that index finger! Don’t just hit Enter, hit ENTER!!!!! Tell that keyboard and anyone around you who is boss!!! Take THAT, BACKSPACE!!!!! Alternate option: If you have an old-fashioned desk phone, feel free to slam the phone back into the mount (minimum 50 repetitions).
Channel your inner Gronkowski and spike your phone, pager, whatever into the ground.
What can be more therapeutic than taking whatever annoys you the most and throwing it with brute force against the ground? Get creative with it; use anything! Feel free to SLAM that saline flush into the ground!!!! (Stupid saline flush!)
Punch something that has some give, like a vending machine or lunch tray cart.
Healthcare makes you want to swing your fists angrily. But be careful! A vending machine has some give; if you hit the sweet spot, you can get a free drink out of it. Punching the metallic side of a lunch or dinner tray cart causes a nice dent plus creates a loud resounding noise that let’s people know you’re channeling your frustrations in a positive manner.
Punch something that doesn’t have some give, like a computer screen.
There’s something beautiful about punching a computer or telemetry screen and looking back at the screen through a kaleidoscope of shattered glass.
Find a computer, printer, ventilator, colonoscope and go all Office Space on it.
Find some friends, find a bat, find an abandoned space like a field or parking lot, and have at it! Make sure to drop some guttural F-bombs while you’re at it.
Put a random person into a headlock.
Play some loud music, gather some colleagues, and go nuts in a mosh pit.
Doesn’t matter if you’re in an office or the intensive unit. Head-bang, get wild, throw those bodies around, and get all that rage out! Suggested songs: “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” by Drowning Pool, “Raining Blood” by Slayer, and “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus.