“Rewards” Program for Frequent Flyers Includes Unlimited, Complimentary Discharges

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ATLANTA, GA – Atlanta University Hospital (AUH) has unveiled a new tiered hospital rewards program for frequent flyers that provides numerous benefits, including free downgrades in pain medications and complimentary discharges.  Though the program is only a few weeks old, AUH healthcare practitioners are calling the new program “effing brilliant.”

airplane“We need to recognize our frequent flyers and treat them the way they deserve to be treated,” said Chief of Medicine Ryan Smackdown.  “We borrowed from Delta’s Medallion program.  It’s a tiered system, but we use something called FloorUnits instead of SkyMiles.  As a frequent flyer achieves more elite FU status, the perks only get better and better.”  Smackdown gave a wry, evil grin.  He added: “Trust me, the perks are amazing.”

Smackdown, along with other leaders in Emergency Medicine, Pain Medicine, and Psychiatry created the groundbreaking program.  Frequent flyers need not apply for FU Status; enrollment is both automatic and free of charge.

Below is the breakdown of benefits for the new FU program.  FU status is divided into Gold, Platinum, and Diamond, which is reached by meeting one of three criteria regarding number of readmissions, times leaving against medical advice (AMA), or narcotic requests.

Frequent Fliers

It should be noted that there is one major difference between AUH’s FU program and Delta’s SkyMiles Medallion program.

“Once you achieve FU status, you keep it for life,” explained Smackdown, increasingly giddy as he talks about the program.  “In our electronic medical record, you’ll have a patient’s name, medical record number, and frequent flyer status.  Once Gold, always Gold.  Once Diamond, always Diamond.  It’s a thing of beauty, really.”

According to sources close to GomerBlog, every healthcare system in the nation plans to adopt a similar rewards program and, additionally, are working at breakneck speed to create an integrated interface so that FU status is recognized everywhere independent of healthcare system.  Healthcare practitioners are rejoicing and rejuvenated.

When reached for comment regarding the potential proliferation of rewards programs, every frequent flyer ever responded with the same two-word answer: “F**k me.”

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Jacqueline Tremblay


  • Avatar
    Jacqueline Tremblay


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    Benjamin Cragun

    Frequent flyers get private rooms, you know, because the CDiff

  • Avatar
    Nadia K Jawed


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    Cathy Casavant

    Our standard is the Diamond level. The providers need to be in severe pain from looking at someone for them to reach gold level. Lol

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    Cindy E Douthitt

    About time!

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    Paula Dewey

    I’m FU status gold. :)

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    Chris Dow

    I’m FU platinum status, studded with large karats of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds…have gold and silver sprinkles…almost pixie like…I am the ultimate collector of frequent FU miles…..

  • Avatar
    Carolyn-Clint Matlick

    Casey Overton, i could name a few;)

  • Avatar
    Judy Vella

    Cathy Casavant this might work at the jail? ??

  • Avatar
    Meaghan Tenney

    Barbara Norquist

  • Avatar
    Casey Overton

    Carolyn-Clint Matlick… Don’t you just want to start enrolling people today!

  • Avatar
    Marilyn Smith


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    Erin Chambers-Thompson

    You should copyright this FU thing!!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Norman Fu

    I’m FU sure the Diamond status!

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    Ruth Orzech

    I love this !

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    Doris Friedel


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    Helen Dilts

    Way toooooooooo cute……

  • Avatar
    Erin Chambers-Thompson

    Norman Fu !!!!!! FU status!!!!

  • Avatar
    Damien Bailey


  • Avatar
    Marissa Anne

    Rebecca Lyn Amanda Ismail Alyssa DePaola Nadia K Jawed LoLol

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Kyles Spencer

    Damien Bailey

  • Avatar
    Anne Ott

    If only…

  • Avatar
    Heather Truchelut

    “FU status” lol…

  • Avatar
    Joanie Sapienza


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