swat team elite HIPAA stormtroopers

Entire Hospital IT Department Being Placed into Protective Custody After ‘Upgrading’ EMR

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LOS ANGELES, CA – Yesterday evening, Have Mercy On Me Hospital in Los Angeles upgraded their electronic medical record (EMR) and what ensued can only be described as “utter chaos.”  The entire hospital campus is on lockdown this morning as a SWAT team extraction mission is underway to save and rescue employees of the IT department.

“Things are brutal in there,” stated LA SWAT team leader Marcus Wilson.  “We have visual confirmation of doctors and nurses smashing computer screens, throwing keyboards down hallways, and threatening to behead or sux dart any IT employee or hospital administrator that passes by.”

Reports are circulating that over 27 IT employees are holed up in the hospital, likely hiding behind large servers or defective AV equipment down in the basement.  The EMR upgrade occurred on a Saturday, which fortunately meant that there are no hospital administrators in the building to rescue.  SWAT teams have been able to extract 7 of the IT workers thus far and plan to mobilize against the psychotic and delusional health care providers inside.

“We plan to re-enter in full combat gear with our secret weapon of offering paper records, medications from pharmacy, and patient discharge orders and acceptances,” said Wilson.  “Dealing with doctors, nurses, and any health care provider after an EMR upgrade is right up there with some of our worst hostage situations.  We have to be ready for anything.  Many are sleep deprived, hungry, disgruntled, and have full bladders, which obviously doesn’t help calm them down.”

Hopefully after the IT workers can be rescued from this madness, the FBI plans to place them in protective custody similar to witness protection programs.  “We have to change their identity and move them and their families to somewhere safe.  They can never step foot in LA again. These doctors and nurses never forget an EMR catastrophe!”

GomerBlog will keep you up-to-date if the IT workers are safely extracted and if the EMR can be fixed remotely to help calm down healthcare providers.  Hospital administrators could not be reached as they were attending a scramble golf tournament at Los Angeles Country Club.

  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the plague...plus it looks good.

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