ATLANTA, GA – Although they are a relatively new phenomenon, electronic cigarettes are a slightly healthier alternative to traditional combustible and inhaled tobacco products. Particularly eye-opening is a new study from the American Cancer Society which shows that E-cigarette smokers are already outliving age-and health-matched cohorts who consume their tobacco the old-fashioned way. The study goes on to chillingly predict that douchebags will become the majority in America by the year 2050.
Atlanta douchebag Chaz “Cheezee” Simpson was reached for comment regarding the news.
“This ain’t no surprise. Vape-heads are survivors, and I got mad vapes, yo,” Simpson articulated while carefully tilting his straight-brimmed, mint-condition Miami Dolphins hat. He then stroked his meticulously trimmed “chin-strap” goatee, pausing for effect, then added, “The Hummer is loaded with vapes, baby. If you ain’t into vapes, Pit Bull, and legions of ladies on yo, then warm up ya legs and get walkin.”