JACHO, TX – Mr. Jeremy Grimes entered Memorial Hospital ER in the waning hours of New Years Eve like he had done 93 times before in 2015. The only difference this time was a large ‘gift basket’ awaiting Jeremy.
ER staff assembled a wash basin to serve as a basket and filled it with gifts including 3 pairs of brown non-slip socks, a brand new hospital gown, sheets without stains, hand sanitizer, 2 turkey sandwiches with mayo, and graham crackers. “Congratulations, Jeremy!” read a large sign over the head of his bed. His room was prepared with 2 pillows and 2 blankets on the bed and the TV turned to ESPN, just how he likes it.
Jenny Powers was serving as his nurse that night. “Jeremy is here a lot. We know his preferences and get his room ready whenever we see his name pop up on the patient census. A few techs were bored on Christmas Eve, so they looked to see which patients were here the most this year.” Their findings revealed Jeremy was tied with Joseph Barnet and Lindsey Carrol at 91 on December 24th, but Jeremy edged them out in the final week to total 94 visits.
“I had no idea what the commotion was all about until nurse Jenny told me I won some contest.”
Staff members urged Jeremy to make a speech, so he gave a few pithy words while the BP cuff inflated: “I am sore all over, but I really have a high tolerance for pain. My feet ache, my back gets tight, but just a good dose of Dilaudid and I feel better.” Staff physician Michael Freer promptly ordered a double dose of his favorite remedy for this special occasion.