CPR dummy manikin
“Hang in there, Andrew!!!  You’ll be human again and you’ll have legs!!!”

NEW ORLEANS, LA – In some incredible news, critical care nurse Margie Casamento at Tulane Medical Center became the first health care practitioner to successful resuscitate a CPR dummy (or CPR manikin) back to human life.  The event occurred at approximately 10:08 AM this morning.

“It was just another class,” explained Casamento in a state of bewilderment.  “I was teaching students the basics of CPR.  I started demonstrating the effectiveness of high-quality chest compressions when all of a sudden the CPR manikin started coughing.  My partner told me to check his pulse and I did.  And you wouldn’t believe it, he had a strong one!”

She recalled the historical moment.

“The CPR manikin said, ‘Thank you for saving my life,’ and seemed to grew more human with each passing moment,” Casamento explained.  “He also began to grow human legs.  He sat up and greeted everyone in class, then said, ‘My name is Andrew,’ before thanking me again.”

Before she knew what to do, the CPR students all stood and gave a standing ovation, many moved to tears.

“I didn’t know the power of good chest compressions, of thoughtful CPR,” said first-year medical student Rebekkah Shaya.  “We really can make a difference.  If we can resuscitate plastic manikins and breathe the beauty of human life into them, imagine what we can do for patients.”

For as long as CPR has been taught, CPR manikins and CPR dummies have been used only for demonstration purposes: to teach good technique before facing an actual cardiac arrest since it’s impractical to perform on live patients.  No one has ever expected to bring a CPR dummy back to life, though Casamento admits she has thought about it.

“If it happened, I always imagined the CPR dummy saying, ‘I’m a real boy!’ like in Pinocchio,” laughed Casamento, smiling at Andrew.  “But what Andrew said to me today?  I’ll take it.”  Andrew laughed.

According to sources, Manikin has found a shirt and pair of pants thanks to the social worker and is reportedly craving a turkey sandwich.  After eating, Casamento and Manikin hope to resuscitate the rest of the Manikin family.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.